Today marks our eight year wedding anniversary! We had a friend come over last night and watch the monitor while our girls slept so we could sneak out and enjoy a nice meal together.
Eating out is one of our favorite things to do. In fact, when we first started dating we ate out EVERY meal. I am not kidding when I say that we actually made a goal to eat at home three times a WEEK! Only three times! We do still enjoy lots of meals out together as a family but only manage to get out alone together probably three times a year.
So last night was a rare treat. I savored every minute. I took my time eating my meal, sipped my wine and actually got to talk to Mike without being interrupted. It was glorious (if you have kids you know what I am talking about!).
The conversation turned to all the adventures we have had in our 11 years together. Like, "how many restaurants do you think we have eaten at now?" (answer: probably thousands, no joke) and "how many hotels have we stayed in together?" (answer: I have no idea but we guessed at least 100). We certainly have crammed a lot of living in our time together.
It's strange because it feels like time has flown by but at the same time when I think back about all the adventures and heartbreak we have faced together since our wedding day it seems like decades have gone by.
Marriage isn't always easy, or fun, but it's always worth it. So, today I thought I would share some lessons I have learned on my journey through marriage in hopes that it might help you.
Here are the four biggest lessons I have learned in our eight years of marriage:
#1 Let Go Of Expectations
We all have them but when our expectations aren't met we get disappointed. Don't enter into marriage expecting it to be a certain way. This is a journey that you and your partner are embarking on together and you are going to have to figure out what marriage is going to look like for both of you.
I know that's easier said than done because I have been there. But by letting go of your ideas of what a husband "should be" or a wife "should be" or what a marriage "should look like" you will save yourself a lot of disappointment.
#2 It's OK To Go To Bed Angry
I know you have heard this piece of advise before "never go to bed angry." While it's well meaning, it's utter crap (excuse my french). I used to beat myself up about not resolving issues before we went to sleep. I would think "oh no, we are failing" because we didn't come to some sort of resolution.
If there is one thing I know about marriage it's that sometimes you will go to bed angry, and that's OK! Sometimes you need some time to think about what happened, calm down and come back to it when you are both rested. It's amazing what a little time, and sleep, can do.
So don't feel bad! Just make the decision to continue the conversation when you both have had time to think and calm down.
#3 Always Have Something To Look Forward To
This is a big one for us and also one that get's very hard to schedule with two kids. We love to travel so always having a trip to look forward to is important for us. We pretty much only relax when we are on vacation. Otherwise we are running from task, to chore, to kids activities and before you know it, you're exhausted.
Life can get a little monotonous but making sure you always have something to look forward to helps. It doesn't have to be a big vacation, it could be a night out together together once a week, or even a night in! Just be sure to schedule some fun time for yourselves!
#4 Make Time For Each Other
Making time to be together as a couple is SO important. Sit down and talk to each other about what's been going on that week, how you've been feeling, what's working/not working. Make it a priority to stay connected and do so WITHOUT your cell phones!
I have found this especially true now that we have kids. They can certainly take a lot of your time and attention away from your partner and marriage. So we do our best to come together at least once a week and just talk. We love sitting the sauna or hot tub when we are feeling stressed so that is typically where we are able to talk without distractions.
Whether you are about to be married or have been for years I hope these lessons I have learned will help you in some way. Take what works and leave what doesn't. Every person is unique and every marriage is unique so do what works for you.
Oh, and happy year year anniversary to the love of my life! Thank you for supporting my wild dreams. Thank you for believing in me when I didn't believe in myself. Thank you for being the best father to our little girls I could have ever wished for. There is nobody I would rather walk through this life with than you.
XOXO, Kristin