One thing you never lack while planning your wedding is advice from other people. It seems that every one and their mother's know how you should plan your wedding even if their visions don't align with yours. In all this noise your voice and can get lost. Here, I will be offering suggestions to those brides that struggle to voice their true feelings and desires when it comes to planning their wedding.
Maybe that person you need to stand up to is your mother who has poo pooed your flower choices, or it's your mother in law who doesn't like your color scheme or maybe it's your sister who doesn't think she looks good in the color bridesmaid dress you picked out. It doesn't matter who it is, your opinion matters, your desires matter, your vision for your wedding matters!
This post is going to get personal for me because I was the Bride who struggled to voice my opinions. I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings so instead I took all the advise and ideas and pushed mine aside. I went along to get along. In the end, I actually regret some decisions and wish that I had done somethings differently. That was nearly 8 years ago and I am a TOTALLY different person now.
If I were planning my wedding today I would do it my way and I wouldn't care what anyone else had to say about it. Some might call this being a bridezilla (a term which I think is WAY over used and not appropriate in most circumstances) but I think it's more about being true to you, your style and the vision that you and your soon to be husband share for your wedding day.
With all the lessons I learned from planning my own wedding I have put together three suggestions that I think will help you. Here are my top three suggestions for finding your voice while planning your wedding:
BE GRACIOUS
Whenever someone offers you suggestions or ideas for your wedding you should always be gracious. Most likely these are people that love you, are excited for you and are only trying to be helpful. I am in no way suggesting that you should be mean or hostile in your responses.
If someone shares an idea that you know you are not interested in at all some possible responses could be:
"That's an interesting idea"
"I hadn't thought about that"
"I'll speak to (your partner) and see what they think about that idea"
"Thank you so much for that idea"
"Thank you for thinking of me"
"I'll take that into consideration"
"I appreciate your suggestion, I just don't see that fitting with the vision I have for the wedding"
TRUST YOUR GUT
I'll share a personal story with you now. Back in 2010 when I was planning my wedding the first thing I considered were my colors. I love purple so I knew that had to be one and I thought to go with that a deep red would be beautiful with gold and ivory accents. I was SO excited about this color combination.
I shared this with my mother first (mistake #1) who said she thought those colors would look weird together. So, of course, I changed my wedding colors (mistake #2). Really, I just eliminated the deep red and stuck with purple, gold and ivory. In the end it was pretty but even to this day I think those colors are gorgeous together and the photo below is proof that I was right!
What I should have done is told Mike first. If he loved those colors together as much as I did then I would have felt more confident in my decision before I told my mother. Then I could have said "I appreciate your opinion but we love them so we are going to stick with these colors."
As a side note, I told my mom the wedding colors I initially wanted years later and her response was "those colors would be so pretty together".... ugh! I should have just trusted my gut and stuck to my color scheme.
See, those colors are just dreamy together!
HAVE CONFIDENCE IN YOUR VISION
I had a very clear vision of the wedding that my husband and I wanted. Part of that vision was what I wanted my wedding photographs to look like. We got married at the historic Cliff House in San Francisco and I wanted our wedding photos to appear timeless and elegant.
I had contacted a few photographers that I really loved and was excited to work with but my mother had another idea (are you seeing a pattern here?) She really wanted to hire a photographer who had worked with our family before. So of course, lacking any kind of backbone, I gave in. And you know what?! Hiring those photographers was the BIGGEST REGRET from my wedding.
There are multiple reason for this: the photos were so basic and not very artistic or interesting (not aligned with my vision), they only gave me a few digital images and that's after begging for them, and they only allowed 30 images in the custom book they offered (news to me, and also how the heck do you narrow your wedding down to 30 pictures?!).
I may not love the photos from that very special day but I did learn a very valuable lesson. I must have confidence in my vision even if nobody else sees it and you must too!
YOU'VE GOT THIS
Believe me, I know how hard it is to say what you really think. It becomes even more difficult when the people who are trying to sway you are the one's paying for the wedding. BUT, at the end of the day this is your wedding and you deserve to have the wedding of YOUR dreams not theirs.
If you feel strongly about something whether it's your color scheme, photographer, cake, or even wedding dress, you must trust your gut, have confidence in your vision and be gracious with your responses.
Wedding planning is very overwhelming and can be even more stressful when you have opinions and ideas from others flying at you. Don't let others make you doubt yourself. You've got this!
Leave me a comment below and let me know what you have been struggling with. I am always happy to help in any way that I can.
XOXO, Kristin